Another Use for bad grammar
by Felflowne
Summary: Ever wondered how Weiss pay all their bills? Have they tapped into some secret energy source? Well, yes. Very Funny. Omi being kawaii and eating marshmallows. I got flamed recently.


Flames cook food. Food is Good.

By Felflowne aka Espion

Omi stared at the screen.

It was very much like a normal day, with Omi sat at his computer, Aya reading a paper, Yohji nowhere to be found and Ken watching the TV.

This image was spoiled rather by the fact that Omi was not actually typing, but instead, just sitting on his chair holding a pointy stick.

Aya glanced up every now and then, but Omi hadn't moved for over twenty minutes.

'We have a whole shop full of flowers, Omi,' said Ken, looking over as well, 'what's with the stick?'

Omi grinned.

'All shall become clear.'

Ken got up and stood behind him, one hand on his shoulder.

'What are you watching?'

'FanFiction.Net Author Account,' Omi replied, and at Ken's blank expression, continued, 'someone's little bit of FanFiction.Net with all their Fic in it.'

'Fic?'

'Just watch.'

Suddenly, a fireball erupted out of the monitor screen.

Ken fell over.

Omi, however, whooped with glee, and shoved three marshmallows on his pointy stick and held them near the flames, humming 'Campfires burning, campfires burning.'

Ken looked up from the floor.

'What THE HELL just happened?'

'Flame,' said Omi indistinctly, his mouth full of marshmallow.

'Duh. Why did it come out of the computer?'

Aya looked up.

'Because it was created in the computer, Ken.'

Aya interceded.

'In FanFiction.Net,' he explained, 'people are able to put up on the Internet stories they've written. Other users can then read and review them.'

'And fire came out of the computer WHY?'

'Called a flame,' said Omi, 'I told you. It's a nasty review. When someone doesn't like your story.'

Ken's brow furrowed.

'So… why bother reviewing?'

'Sorry?'

Ken looked lost.

'So… You read a story… you must realise about halfway through that you don't like it… can't you just stop reading it? Or do you _have _to review every story you read?'

The others looked at him.

'You've never surfed FanFiction.Net before?' Omi asked. 'Seriously?'

Ken shook his head, then frowned.

'And how come _you_ have? I thought you were always doing research for missions!'

Omi grinned.

'I've got to have _some_ time off. It's fun, too. Look, there's a whole section on us!'

Ken goggled.

'Wh-Why?'

Omi shrugged.

'I really don't know. I searched for our name on Google and it came up with this around the twentieth hit.'

'It's ABOUT us? How do they know?'

'I have no idea,' said Omi happily, 'it's almost like they're in another world. I tried to create an account once, but it was like I didn't exist.'

'How ridiculous,' said Charlie sagely.

'Click on one!' Ken urged Omi. He complied, sliding another marshmallow off his stick.

'What's YoSchu?'

'Good question,' Omi replied, frowning, 'I really have no idea. Let's read.'

They read.

But before they'd got to the end, Ken had fallen over again. Omi appeared not to notice, and carried on reading to the end.

'Oh, right, YoSchu, got it,' he muttered to himself. Ken was making bubbling noises on the floor. Omi ignored him and hit 'Submit Review'. He began to type.

Ken pulled himself up off the floor.

'Are you r-reviewing?' He asked, his mouth dry.

'Yeah,' Omi said, still typing. Ken read.

__

Your style is good. I like the pot plant scene. 'I'm sorry but you'll have to buy it first'. Genius. A few spelling mistakes but obviously well checked. Nice Fic.

'You LIKED it?' Ken spluttered.

'Not really. Not one on my favourites,' Omi said carelessly, 'but it was well written, and I though they deserved some praise.'

'B-But… Schuldich and…'

'Ken!' laughed Omi, 'it's FICTION! It's not real!'

'Ohh… OK. Are there any about me?'

Omi nodded.

'Loads. And me. And Aya, and Yohji.'

'Geez. But, going back to what you said before…'

'Would you like a stick?'

'Wha…?'

'A stick, would you like one?'

'What for?'

Omi rolled his eyes.

'So you can toast marshmallows too! Aww, c'mon!'

Ken took his stick, all the fight gone from him.

They sat.

And then another fireball nearly took his eyebrows off. He threw his hands protectively in front of his face and felt the hairs on the back of his hand disintegrate. He lowered his arms cautiously. Omi was looking at his, chewing slowly.

'Interesting technique,' he said, after a pause, 'but it seems to lead to rather overdone marshmallows. I guess if you like them like that…'

Ken's marshmallows were black and smoking. A bit like Bleeding Gums Murphy, but not quite.

Ken looked at Omi. Was he insane? It was looking like a distinct possibility.

'Flames,' said Ken firmly, 'are bad reviews?'

'Right!' Omi said cheerfully, glad that he'd grasped this concept.

'But reviewing or not is a choice?'

'Uh huh, mmm.' Omi licked his lips.

'So…'

'Look, it's simple. If you wish to protest against a story's content or structure, you write a flame.'

'Right, um, can I have one?'

Omi gave Ken a marshmallow generously.

'Thanks. So, you wrote a flame to that person?'

Omi's face fell.

'No Ken! I NEVER flame!'

'But you said something about spelling…'

'Oh… that was just to help them out,' Omi said hurriedly, 'Flames are angry, nasty, reviews. Usually they're short and badly spelled.'

'Due to anger?'

'Presumably.'

'Example?'

Omi held up a finger and surfed for a few seconds, then he read aloud.

'This sucks and you suck. You've screwed up their characters totally. Die bitch, yaoi sucks.'

'Hmm, that's not friendly,' Ken agreed. He leaned it to look.

__

This sux an u suk. U've scrwed up they're charas totaly. Die bitch, yaoi sux.

'Woah.'

They gazed sadly at the evil little piece of writing for a moment.

'And the weird thing is, this person read through the whole three chapters before writing that.'

'Woah,' said Ken again, 'they could've just not.'

'I think you've put your finger on the very point.' Omi said glumly. 'They sadden me.'

A fireball eruption lightened his mood considerably. He pushed another marshmallow onto his makeshift toasting fork and patted Ken's head sharply to put out the flames which had caught there.

'Are flames causing this?' said Ken, now resigned to the fact that he was destined to be chargrilled.

'Yeah,' Omi said, throwing a marshmallow to Aya, who caught it without looking around and scarfed it.

'Is this normal?'

'I don't _think_ so,' Omi said, 'but then, how do I know? Personally, I think fire should pour out of the monitor of the person _writing_ the flame.'

They laughed.

'Yeah,' Ken agreed, 'then you could spot them in the street, it'd be like - "Hey! That guy has no eyebrows!" Then a cry would go up "Flamer! Flamer!" and he would be dogpiled under angry authors.'

Omi giggled, almost choking on his sweet.

'Oh,' he gasped, laughing harder, 'that would be great! But then imagine someone really did have no eyebrows! They'd be running like hell, yelling - "I don't even know what FanFiction.Net IS! Leave me alone!'

They both laughed. Even Aya snorted. 

'As it is, though,' Omi giggled, spearing a piece of bread on his stick, 'this isn't adding to our gas bill.'

'Very very sly.'

Ken looked at his watch.

'Oops, I better get going. See you later, Omi.' He stood.

Omi looked up at him and they kissed briefly.

'I'll see you later,' Ken said, grabbing his jacket and heading for the stairs.

'Later, Ken-Ken!' Omi waved as Ken ascended the stairs and was lost from sight. He ducked the next fireball resignedly.

Aya looked up. Omi had minimised the FanFiction.Net window, protecting him from any flames for the moment. He was currently converting a Word file into an HTML suitable for upload.

'Shall I go and turn on the computer in the kitchen?' Aya asked, standing up.

'Please, Aya-kun, that would be really helpful. I'll wait before uploading. Give me a shout.'

A few minutes later, Aya called down to confirm that the upstairs computer was on and connected to the Net. Omi uploaded his file, then logged out and logged off, feeling happy because of all the sugar, but also hungry. He wondered what Aya was doing for dinner.

Omi trudged out of the lower room and walked into the kitchen. Aya was holding his wok in the steady stream of fire from the computer's monitor.

'Mmm, stir fry?'

'Yep,' said Aya, 'this was a great idea, Omi. Writing stories that would be sure to get flamed. Did you know we've saved 50,000 on our gas bill already?'

Omi just looked modest.

'Why didn't you tell Ken?'

Omi blushed.

'I don't want him going there too much. Some authors have…erm…imaginations.'

Aya shrugged, and the pan sizzled as another burst of heat aided the frying of the vegetables.

'Well, it's up to you, Omi, or should I say Felflowne?'

'Aya!' Omi snapped, 'don't call me that! Someone might be listening!'

'Sorry,' Aya apologised, then he looked at the pan again. 'C'mon… c'mon…'

A burst of fire reassured him.

'Excellent! Nice one Omi! Omi?'

But Omi had gone back downstairs. He was in a marshmallow kind of mood.

***************************************************************************************

Felflowne: Hi guys! No, I am NOT Omi, but the momentum carried me! I got flamed recently, yes, how did you know? Like all the best flames, it made no sense. I wasn't so much annoyed as utterly confused. So I wrote this *points up* so if I ever get flamed again I will know to laugh and move on.

Poor Ken! He just couldn't handle YoSchu! And wasn't Omi good! Reviewing even though he didn't like the pairing! The three chapter reference is not random. My flame (aww! *huggles it*) was sent in response to a two chapter fic called The Shoe Game. They actually read all the way through it. Weird. I don't think I'll ever really get it.

Anyways, the good thing now is that I ever get flames ever again, I simply won't care, I'll imagine them cooking Weiss' dinner. I wonder why all Anime characters haven't cottoned onto this energy saving fuel resource yet?

To all - toodles! I love you all!

To flamer - I love you too! You inspired me *hugs*

Flamer - Get off me! You suck!

Felflowne - *hugs* Thanks! See you all next time!

Flamer - Flame! FLAME! Do it now! Don't let her get away with making me look stupid like this!

Felflowne - *nods eagerly* Yeah, PLEASE!

Flamer - Huh?

Felflowne - *holds up pointy stick with three marshmallows on* You want one?

Flamer - AAARGHH!!


End file.
